I do not blame you at all for hating me/ forgetting about me/ changing the name of the child you named after me/ throwing darts at the picture of my face hanging on your wall.
I did miss you, though!
I read a grand total of seven books this month.
Unfortunately, the vast majority of them made me want to vomit in my mouth and throw said books into a duck pond, where the little ducklings could have a blast tearing them apart with their razor-sharp ducky talons.
- This is What Happy Looks Like by Jennifer E. Smith
I tried to start out my month with an uplifting, adorable, romantic book that could make everything all fluffy and warm and wonderful.
Only now is it that I see how disgustingly overrated Jennifer E. Smith’s books are.
My dog has a more interesting love life, and the most intimate she’s ever gotten is that time when she swallowed a frog.
- A Fierce and Subtle Poison by Samantha Mabry
- Yes Please by Amy Poehler
Do not read this book if you think that Amy Poehler is:
b) an intellectual
c) a human being who is even remotely good at what she does with her life
No matter what you think of this woman, Yes Please will lower that opinion. I have lost a great amount of respect for Poehler during the time it took me to read this horrendous book.
This makes me sad.
I will now go cry in a corner.
Look what you’ve done, Yes Please. Look what you’ve done!
- Dumplin’ by Julie Murphy
I really don’t know what made me pick this up, or why I didn’t throw it into a fireplace as soon as I finished the first page, but somehow I read the entirety of this book. Every moment was torturous and please give me those hours of my life back.
I’m slowly losing faith in my ability to pick out books that are even a little bit decent.
- The Marvels by Brian Selznick
When I started this book, I was thinking: OH MY GOODNESS, I’VE ACTUALLY FOUND A WONDERFUL PIECE OF LITERATURE TO READ.
And it stayed that way for a while.
Let me tell you, Brian Selznick is an amazing illustrator. He tells a heartrending story through gorgeous sketches and I am so jealous of those illustrations and golly, it’s spectacular.
He is not, unfortunately, a very good author.
The second half of this book can go die in a dark corner of book hell and then I’ll be so, so happy.
- Through the Woods by Emily Carroll
I cannot rave enough about this astonishing piece of book.
It’s so terrifying.
It is so beautiful.
Did I mention it’s scary? It’s really scary. I’m really scared.
I just don’t know what to do with myself. Somebody help.
- The Vault of Dreamers by Caragh M. O’Brien
This is the last of this title you’ll ever be seeing on my blog, because it is probably the worst book I’ve read in my life and I hate it so, so much.
I’m not going to try and read a ton of books because I have lots to do this month, including:
- performing at a music competition I’ve been practicing for for months and months and I AM SO NERVOUS I WILL SCREW EVERYTHING UP, AGHHHHH
- another one of those school musicals, which means…
- another hell week!
- start studying for the myriad of SATs and Regents that are only three months away, AGHHHHHH
- Fill out lots of smart-kid-forms so people will give me smart-kid-awards so hopefully my transcript will look positively splendiferous
Anywho, I’m going to try and read some really hyped-up books, because if they have that much hype, they can’t all be bad… right…?
As always, I make zero promises, but I love you so it’ll be okay!
Bye for now, my muffins.